


Words of Love

by nazangel



Series: Carry On Countdown 2019 [29]
Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: A little angst, Advice, Confessions, F/M, Fluff, Happy Ending, Letters, Love Letters, M/M, Relationship Advice, malcolm and daphne are also adorable, malcolm is a good person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-24
Updated: 2019-12-24
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:15:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21943474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nazangel/pseuds/nazangel
Summary: Simon can't bring himself to voice his feelings."Why don't you write him a letter?"
Relationships: Daphne Grimm/Malcolm Grimm, Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Series: Carry On Countdown 2019 [29]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1554211
Comments: 8
Kudos: 95
Collections: Carry On Countdown 2019





	Words of Love

**MALCOLM**

I don't smoke a lot, but when I do, I always make sure to do it outside of the house.

It's been a long week, and it's Christmas Eve. My family is inside, laughing and being merry. I figure a little indulgence won't hurt.

As soon as I step out into the terrace, I see Simon standing to the side, sort of curled in on himself.

Despite the cold, he's barely covering himself, only wearing a thin jumper and jeans. I know the cold doesn't affect him much, I've heard my son grumble about it, but this seems a little excessive.

"Simon," I call out to him, startling him so badly that he jumps at least half a foot in the air (I'm reminded once again that he's been through extensive battle training).

"Oh- Hello Mr. Grimm, I was just- I didn't think anyone-"

"Malcolm is fine," I tell him," And I just came out here for a little smoke,"

"Okay- um-I'll just leave you to-"

"It's alright," I say, "Though, I'm surprised you're not cold out here,"

He shrugs, his shoulders a bit tense, a troubled look on his face.

It tugs at something in my chest. I'm not the most emotionally competent in the world, and the two of us aren't close.

But the look on his face makes him look like a child.

I can't help but ask.

"Are you okay, Simon?"

He tenses for a second, but then relaxes. When he speaks, his voice comes out broken.

"I'm in love with your son," he says

I'm a little surprised.

"I have to admit, I don't see the problem," I say, "Isn't that the point, you've been together for a while now,"

He takes a deep breath, "I've never said it though,"

"Never said it?"

"He says it all the time. It's so easy for him to say, but it's not easy for me. I just can't,"

There are tears in his eyes now, and he's blinking rapidly to stop them from falling. He's just a boy, and I feel a wave of regret hit me. So many years of fighting, years of putting two boys through a war that they should have never been subjected to. If only the adults around them had done better.

If only _I_ had done better.

I shake the thoughts away. Simon doesn't need my regret right now. It won't help anyone.

I put a hand on his shoulder, and once he relaxes under the touch, I gently turn him, so he's facing me.

"What do you mean, you can't?

"I try so hard to say it, cause I do love him. But every time I try, the words just get stuck in my throat. And I know baz is disappointed, he never says anything, but I know,"

I think of my son, who can barely shut up about his boyfriend and how wonderful he is and what a great life they're going to have together. It's evident that Baz doesn't think too much of Simon's hesitance yet even though I'm sure he wants to hear the words.

I think back to when I had started dating Daphne, how hard it was to open up and the advice my father (may he rest in peace) had given me.

_Simon doesn't have a father to give him advice, now does he?_

I squeeze his shoulder gently, "Why don't you write him a letter?"

**SIMON**

I stare at Malcolm, surprised.

"A letter?"

"Well, you said that you have a hard time saying it out loud. Maybe you could write your feelings down. You don't even have to use the word love. You can just talk about how you want your future to go or what you want to do for Valentine's. Its a pretty good indication of you wanting to be with him long term,"

I have to admit, this is not how I thought the day would go. I figured I would stew a little, and then go inside and shove the feelings down.

I also hadn't expected to get advice from Malcolm of all people, good advice too.

There's a first time for everything I suppose.

"I'm not that good with written words either," I tell him

He shrugs, "It doesn't have to be anything fancy, just put down the first thing that comes to mind when you think of him. You can write a few rough drafts first if that helps,"

I think about it for a moment.

"You don't have to do it, of course," continues Malcolm, "It's just an idea,"

"I think I will," I tell him

Except I have no idea who to ask for paper and a pen and I'll probably have to hide it from Baz and how am I going to do that and-

I must have said some of that out loud cause Malcolm lets out a chuckle

"You can work in my study. My children only come in there of they need to have a 'serious conversation'. I'll give you things to write with too. Also, just tell Baz the truth. You're working on something for him. He'll leave you alone. His siblings will probably take most of his time anyway. They all have their odd little Christmas Eve traditions,"

I nod, and Malcolm carefully leads me to his study. I've never been there before. There's a desk in the middle, filled with papers and little knick-knacks. One wall is filled with books. The window looks toward the gardens, and it's surrounded by a small table, a few comfy chairs.

Malcolm directs to sit by the window, and I text Baz.

_Working on something. Might be AWOL for a while._

**_Is everything okay?_ **

_Yeah. Its a surprise._

_And don't you dare try to figure it out. I'll know!_

_**Alright. Alright. I'll be busy with my siblings.** _

_**Come and get me when you're done. Where are you anyway?** _

_Secret :) but don't worry. I'm still at the house._

**_Alright, you disaster._ **

I grin at the phone and Malcolm brings over a stack of papers and few pens. There's an envelope to.

"Use whatever you like," he tells me

I smile, "Thank you,"

He turns around, and my head shoots up.

"Are you leaving?"

"I thought I would let you work in peace,"

I don't know why but the thought of sitting in the here alone bothers me. But I can't ask Malcolm to stay, can I? It's Christmas, and he probably wants to be out there with his family. Not to mention, he has no obligation to comfort me.

There must be something in my face because he smiles.

"You know, what? He says, "I have to write a few Christmas wishes. I'll get a start on those at my desk,"

I nod, feeling relieved.

Time to do this.

xxx

Writing the letter is as hard as I had expected. I crumple papers, blot out words and, at one point, bang my head against the table.

Malcolm, to his credit, doesn't say anything when I groan and grumble or when I destroy paper in frustration. He just gives me an encouraging smile whenever we end up looking at each other.

Makes sense, I suppose. After all, he is the father of five very sarcastic and theatrical children.

A couple of hours later, I'm finally done, and I have to say, a little proud do the result.

**BAZ**

I'm sitting in the sitting room with Daphe and my siblings, basking in the warmth from the fireplace.

"Where is Father?" I ask her

"Working on some Christmas wishes," she says

"Left them for late again, did he?"

She chuckles, "He always does,"

I smile. It's odd really, my Father is always up to speed with everything else, but when it comes to holiday wishes, he somehow always leaves them to the end.

We chat a bit more until the door opens, and Simon walks in.

Followed by my Father.

They're both smiling at something. It's not something I was expecting to see.

"What are you two laughing about?" asks Daphne

"Baz," says Simon happily, seating himself beside me.

It's a change from the sullen mood he was earlier.

"So what were you working on?" I ask him in a whisper as my parents start to start their own conversation

"Later," he whispers back

"Okay,"

xxx

Simon hands me a letter as we sit in bed. It has my name on the envelope

"What's this?"

"What I was working on," he says, giving me a nervous smile

I open the letter and start to read it.

_Dear Baz,_

_I'm not good with words, as you know, written or spoken, really, so I had to try this a few times to get it right._

_I just wanted to say that being with you is one of the best things that ever happened to me. I could make a list of all the things about you that make me happy, but that would take forever._

_You make me smile when I'm sad. You make me feel alive when I'm feeling down. You let me sulk when I need it. You hold me when I cry. You make me feel things that I never thought I would feel, ever._

_You've given me a family. And you've given me hope._

_I want a future with you, Baz. I want us to grow together; I want us to live together. I want us to have many many Christmas' together._

_I want you, always_

_Your Love,_

_Simon Snow_

There are tears in my eyes when I look at Simon.

"Do you like it?" he asks nervously

"I love it, Darling," I say, pulling him close to me, "It's beautiful,"

"I know I'm not good at saying it out loud, so I put it in the letter. Though I can't take credit for the idea. Your father suggested it,"

My jaw drops open from shock.

"My father?"

"Yeah. He was really nice about it. Let me work in his study and use his stuff,"

I have to admit; this wasn't what I was expecting.

"I think he likes me now," says Simon and he sounds so _happy_ about it.

"I think he does," I tell him, sliding our hands together

"I'm glad."

"Happy Anniversary, Love"

"Happy Anniversary, Darling," Simon whispers.

xxx

Hours later, when Simon is asleep, I step out of bed and head downstairs. As expected, my parents are still up, slowly sipping on wine in the family room.

Daphne must know something because, as she sees me, she gets up and makes some excuse another and heads out of the room.

"You gave him the idea," I say

He nods, "I'm assuming it went well,"

"Yes," I whisper, "It was beautiful,"

"Good,"

"Where did you get the idea?"

"Something he said reminded me of a situation I was in once, not being able to say what I wanted to say,"

"What are you talking about," I ask, "I've never known you to be at a loss for words,"

He smiles, "When I started dating Daphne, I was a little closed up. I wanted to say so much to her, but I couldn't bring myself to say it,"

I can tell he has more to say, so I wait.

"Did you know that 'I love you' was the last thing I said to your mum,"

"No," I whisper, though it certainly explains so much

He nods, "My father recommended I find another way to express my feelings, so I wrote Daphne a letter. I've written quite a few actually,"

I smile at him, "Well, you really helped Simon. Thank you,"

He waves his hand, "It was no problem,"

"Still, I appreciate it, and he does too," I say, getting up, "I'm going to head to bed. I'll let you and Mother get back to...whatever it is that you were doing,"

Father huffs, amused, "Good Night, Basilton,"

"Good Night, Father,"

**Daphne**

I'm about to turn off the lights when Malcolm stops me and hands me something.

It's a closed envelope.

I sit up and smile at him, "You haven't given me one of these in a while,"

He shrugs, "I was feeling a little nostalgic,"

I lean toward him and give him a soft kiss, "I love you,"

"And I love you,"

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed!


End file.
